Randomness from Twisted Sister Twisted Sister Basement Twisted Sister Poetry

Twisted Sister in the Basement — Your help wanted!

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First up in the basement, we have Carly Zee’s piece “FOR HER, WITH LOVE”.

Carly says – I like the middle, but I hate the ending. And I’m not sure if the beginning works. Any suggestions are appreciated – help!

 

Quick overview of the rules of engagement – be polite, be respectful, but be honest. If you’re confused, say so, and if it’s not for you, that’s fine too. There is no one-size fits all in the literary world. Give some real feedback, and (hopefully) helpful suggestions.

 

POEM — FOR HER, WITH LOVE

She looked into the mirror, and saw a pretty girl hiding beneath beard stubble; her heart ached with longing for things she could never have, except at the expense of a bottle.

An injection.

A chemical to evoke change, and make her become

What she already was –

A glorious butterfly.

 

With love, and laughter, and a great deal of pain –

and a general fucked upness;

she became strength, she became power, she became who she was.

Beauty beyond all others, none can compare –

 

At least, that’s what I tell her,

As tears bleed into satin when she sobs in her pillow,

all alone, without lovers;

and hidden in the night.

 

*

All right folks, let the comments fly, and let’s fix’er up.

 

Are you brave enough to face the basement? Send us your best, send us your worst, and we’ll figure it all out. Submit through good ol’email twistedsisterlitmag@gmail.com (Subject — FOR THE BASEMENT) or over here.

And don’t worry, we won’t bite – unless you want us too.

XO

Twisted Sister

2 comments

  1. Carlee Zee you’ve got a really great piece.

    I am not a poem writer. But I have a few ideas I would like to share. The middle is fantastic. I quite agree. The beginning works for me. But I would like it to follow similar structure to the poem below. E.g.

    In the mirror, a pretty girl hid

    Aching and longing for things she could never have (or be)

    Except for the expense of a bottle

    Etc.

    As for the end, I actually think if you stopped the poem at the second last paragraph it would be fantastic as is. Great job Carlee Zee!

  2. Hi Carlee Zee
    Great poem.
    All I would do is lose the first 2 lines so you start with the words ‘An injection’
    I am no poet though – Brookelyn’s ideas above are cool too.
    Thanks for sharing.

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