Oh, that stupid chair. You know we found it on the street, right?
The previous owners had kicked it to the curb into a pile of garbage where it truly belonged. But when he saw it his whole face lit up. He called it a classic, said it belonged in an Americana Museum and demanded it be saved. We half dragged half carried it – reluctant as I was to even touch it – the two blocks to our apartment, stuffed it into the elevator – for which we were fined by the condo-board and berated by the neighbors in 4D and 4C and reprimanded at the next tenants meeting and the fodder for jokes at the monthly BBQ, almost three weeks later – then squeezed, after turning it three times into the suddenly tiny apartment door, chipping the doorjamb and gouging my hand and nearly breaking a finger in the process – and also managed to shatter the antique and very expensive I might add, estate lamp in the hallway to which he wound up cutting his hand whilst picking up the pieces and then piercing his foot when he stepped barefoot on an errant shard of the lamp he had missed the night before.
And having tasted blood that damn piece of trash sat smugly in the middle of the room clashing wildly with every stick of furniture that we owned … totally unapologetically. Then, just to shut me up – yes, I did bitch loudly about that damned chair every chance I got – he had that stupid thing completely reupholstered … changing not only the fabric and the color but also changing the whole “classic lines” nonsense that had originally excited him so much about that damn chair in first place … And in the end, we both wound up hating it and in the process, each other! So, no I did not take that damn chair and I hate you for loving that damn chair!
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Jfx Mcloughlin is a fun guy to have around, always good for something like a fast edit or moving furniture . His work on Twisted Sister includes To Breathe, Still, She Swept, A Man’s Castle, Survivors of the Dead, and Safe House. You can find him lurking around jimmy junk
You can check out Carly Zee’s take on the chair story here
Twisted Sister lit mag 